I am no longer in the habit of reading political masturbation pieces, but a friend emailed me Karl Rove’s recent WSJ Op-Ed entitled “Bush was right when it mattered most.”

I thought it was so funny to read that I decided to give you highlights, complete with commentary. Lucky you, my dear 3 readers…

Here is a picture of Dubya and Karl’s first kiss, for his Op-Ed, Karl got down on his knees (sorry, no photo available for that).

Mr. Bush was right about Iraq. The world is safer without Saddam Hussein in power. And the former president was right to change strategy and surge more U.S. troops.

People can try to play up Saddam all they want, but going into Iraq was primarily about oil and secondarily about tying up loose ends. Since the end of the Gulf War, Saddam wasn’t killing many people and was hamstrung by the sanctions and no fly zones. He also had already killed so many of his enemies that those that were still alive were in Iran or Kurdistan under UN protection.

I agree with Karl that the surge was a good idea. I don’t think adding the needed troops a few years into a war means you got it right. I think it means you got it wrong then realized your fuck up a few years (and 10’s of thousands of lives) too late.

He was right to strengthen the military and intelligence and to create the new tools to monitor the communications of terrorists, freeze their assets, foil their plots, and kill and capture their operators.

And thereby, he was also right to round up thousands of people innocent of crimes against the US and ship them around the world to be tortured, some never to be seen again. Not to mention all of the spying on Americans making calls overseas or calling home from overseas. The transcripts of phone sex between soldiers abroad and their significant others at home are clearly saving us from another attack.

Mr. Bush was right to be a unilateralist when it came to combating AIDS in Africa.

Yes, I am glad Dubya took care of that problem. Now Africans just have to worry about starving to death, being raped by UN and AU forces and the numerous AK and machete wielding militias that are roaming the countryside. Africa thanks you Dubya.

Mr. Bush cut income taxes for every American who pays taxes. He also cut taxes on capital, investment and savings. The result was 52 months of growth and the strongest economy of any developed country.

He did cut taxes, which is good. But we are seeing the results of the “52 months of growth” today. It was a bubble that was encouraged by federal policies, and all of the wealth built up during that bubble will likely be gone by the time the credit mess finishes unraveling.

Mr. Bush was right to match tax cuts with spending restraint.

That is the single funniest sentence in the article. He doubled the national debt (from about $5 trillion to over $10 trillion) which cost the federal government $450 billion in 2008. That is just for interest payments. So yeah, his spending restraint was commendable.

Mr. Bush was right to pass No Child Left Behind.

Mr. Bush should have closed the Department of Education. The vast majority of the public school system is a national disgrace.

He was right to stand for a culture of life.

Somewhere between 11 and 12 million babies were killed while he was president. I don’t think that is a statistic he should brag about if he supports a culture of life. He did next to nothing regarding this issue in 8 years.

Mr. Bush, a man of core decency and integrity, was right not to reply in kind when Democratic leaders called him a liar and a loser.

He may not have, but Cheney did tell a Senator “go fuck yourself” on the Senate floor. Apparently the decency and integrity were limited to Dubya…

If I were to write my own article about what Bush was right about, it would be much shorter:

“Bush was right to send me $600 last summer. I really enjoyed that. “

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